I am Professional meddler in the affairs of machines, liquids, and electrons. Founder of Mayhems Solutions Ltd, where I somehow convinced the PC world that dyed goop could be both beautiful and functional. Built hundreds of coolant products while probably muttering, “No one expects the Pastel Inquisition!”

Decades of IT and engineering behind me: from wiring police networks to teaching inanimate objects how to fill bottles using Raspberry PI’s, ESP32s, and the sheer willpower of a man who refuses to read manuals.

Currently operating the legendary “Shed of Chaos,” a solar-powered contraption resembling what would happen if Doc Brown, Wallace & Gromit, and a slightly drunk electrician shared a toolkit. It runs on Victron inverters, Fogstar batteries, and the occasional cry of “it’s only 400 volts, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Also keeper of old tech ghosts: Amigas, arcades, ZX Spectrums, all resurrected in true necromantic fashion, usually with more duct tape and less respect than Commodore ever intended.

Public persona: BridgeKeeper, dark, gritty, and prone to asking questions like “What is your favourite colour?” before explaining why your solar installer is full of manure.

Blunt, allergic to sales waffle, and community-driven to a fault, I would rather hack, solder, or reprogram his way to victory than listen to a man in a shiny suit selling overpriced nonsense. In short: builder, breaker, teacher, storyteller, and part-time Holy Grail character who’s still waiting for someone to answer correctly about the air-speed velocity of an unladen inverter.